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I Wont Fade On You

by Elder Brother

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1.
I won’t fade on you I was saved by you I’ve got days, no clue What my brain’s up to It’s just so strange I can’t explain Can’t feel my face around you I won’t fade on you I was saved by you Sometimes plans fall through Sometimes knots undo But if time won’t wait I can’t play these games I just feel so safe around you I just feel so safe around you I won’t fade on you I won’t fade on you
2.
Halloween 03:27
I know it’s not the season But we don’t need a reason To get a little lost in the dark We’re only halfway back home And we’ve got so far to go Underneath the blankets Your head in the sheets A ghost in the bed that’s still haunting me Think I got too high to sleep Another midnight daydream If we don’t ever say what we mean Every night could be Halloween If we don’t ever say what we mean Every night could be Halloween, Halloween Shuffling through the city We’re getting pretty dizzy From trying to outstare the moon A summer slowdance gone wrong And to your favorite slow song A nightly new tradition A guilty apparation To scare the living shit out of me A thousand winters of snow Can’t bury what we both know
3.
Could you look me in the eye In the morning, passing by Or would you turn away, turn away, would you turn? Was tempted into growing old Faster than I could have known And the world turned away, turned away, oh it turned Well if you love me like you say you love me Then it’s time to show me, even if it’s slowly Because I need you, though I didn’t mean to I guess I’ve made a few mistakes Oh I’ve been holding on for so long By the rope around my neck Oh I’ve been holding on for so long For so long, maybe so long’s not so bad Do you still hate to hear my name? Still feel you’re the one to blame? Or am I just another candle you’ve burned down? Oh we got this way together But you left for better weather And now I’m spinning out, spinning out, spinning out Well if you love me like you say you love me Then it’s time to show me, and I mean really show me Because I want you, though I didn’t want to Could maybe something go my way? Well I could use a little help, I can’t do it by myself In and out of these hotels It’s getting just too overwhelming And my friends, no, they don’t know Because I don’t know how to tell them And my family, they don’t know I can’t do it to them again So if you love me Like you say you love me So if you love me Then it’s time to show me
4.
The feeling’s creeping up All the delicate things we can’t discuss This room is small enough Losing track of people I can trust I get so tired of fighting I get so tired of you I get so tired of believing The words I say that just aren’t true The simple pleasures I confide in Have made a fool of lesser men If I can keep the wheels in motion I might seem better than I’ve been I feel it sinking in There’s no way to tell how this one ends Put on that dress again Now I can’t get the image out my head You get so tired of hiding You get so tired of me You get so tired of dreaming How much better off you’d be The simple pleasures I confide in Have made a fool of lesser men If I can keep the wheels in motion I might seem better than I’ve been
5.
Projector 03:01
Broken mirror on the door Seven years, what’s seven more? The marigold that you ignored in the weeds Red wine in coffee cups Gotta leave, I’m tripping up One you is not enough, not for me Take me back another day Because I want to be alone Take me back another way Because we’re running out of road Take me back, I’ve gone astray Would you tell me where, tell me where to go? I wanted nothing more Than to be your something more I wanted nothing more than to be Fix me up, I’ve come undone Don’t know where I’m running from Guess I’ll roll another one Just for me
6.
OK, Alright 03:31
Hello? Yeah I’m here. Are you in for the night? I could sing you to sleep, though I’m not by your pillowside I know that it’s late, I know that you’re tired I know the connection is weak But I can’t peel my soul away from you Not even if I wanted to I Can’t peel my soul away from you From you I’m glad you’re doing okay I’m glad you’re doing alright I’m glad you’re staying away ‘Cause I don’t think I could see you tonight Hello? Me again. I can hear you just fine. Is the sun coming up? I’m still bathing in moonlight. It’s hard cleaning up when the lighting’s not right It’s hard to remove every trace You know, I miss you sometimes
7.
I painted the wings on a butterfly I painted a portrait based on your design Began with the eyes and some measured grace Tried keeping the colors within her constraints Just as I was done, they whisked her away Like she was the champion of the East Bay To see her again, I’d do anything If she had a song, I’d sing it every day And I don’t know why I feel so bold Chasing down a thing that I can’t hold As if it would somehow make me whole I caught you like a cold If I wrote a song, brittle and brave With so many words I don’t know how to say I finished a draft and threw it away If this is the end it seems like such a waste
8.
Cold war, cold war is over One more, one more foreclosure Another lot covered in weeds Another vacant house on your street Another kid who grew up to be Another sad message on your message machine But I never thought I’d be the one to Walk away, walk away I never thought I’d be the one to Walk away, walk away On a different night, in a different dream I felt your love coming back to me I never thought I’d be the one to Walk away First floor, first floor exposure No more “can you come over?”s No more knots I can’t undo No more sorrow, no more blues No more walls left to break through To see the less elaborate version of you
9.
Hair 05:04
Oh darling Well it’s been so long Since I sat down and wrote you a song I’ve been trying to put you away It’s between working, at least ‘til today I can be strong Can be whatever you like But I can’t pretend that I’ll be alright So I’m staying, I’ll stay here all night ‘Til I get all the stupid words, the stupid words right Oh darling Well it’s been so long Since I sat down and sang you a song I’ve been working so hard every day It’s been working, at least ‘til today Oakland gets cold As cold as back home When you’re spending all of your nights alone I wish you were here I wish I was there Wish I could forget the smell of your hair
10.
High 04:46
I got high in your room I wasn’t sure if you wanted to But I laid down and so did you A rush went to my head and something bloomed Something new So cut every tie and break every truce I don’t know why But I’m still thinking of you Cut every tie and break every truce Every time I’m still thinking of you I’m still thinking of you I got high, you told me off You said I looked a little lost Well you were right, you usually are And it’s just like they say The feeling comes in waves In waves We paced your apartment You said with tears in your eyes “What if things don’t get better? It’s this til we die?” And I thought to myself “Well hey, that doesn’t sound bad” I could be back in Massachusetts with my mom and my dad I could be back in the basement on the same sofa bed So far deep underground, hell, well I could be dead But I guess I’m still here and I’m thirty years in When you come from New England that’s not a sure thing And I cut every last tie and I broke every truce But still every night I’m still thinking of you I’m still thinking of you I’m still thinking of you
11.
Washed 04:13
He leans in and she turns her face He’s not surprised, no it happens every day ‘Cause it washed away, it washed away, it washed away Yeah it washed away, it washed away, it washed away Another sweatshirt to explain She tried it all, but the blood still left a stain When it washed away, it washed away, it washed away It washed away, it washed away, it washed away Oh it’s easy not to know When you’re high and then you’re low To get caught up in the glow To get washed away, to get washed away But if she could let this go Pack a bag and hit the road She could move to Indio She could wash away “Should I leave or should I stay? When did I get so afraid?” When it washed away, it washed away, it washed away When it washed away, it washed away, it washed away Oh it’s easy not to know When you’re high and then you’re low To get caught up in the glow To get washed away, to get washed away But if she could let this go Pack a bag and hit the road She could move to Tokyo She could wash away A late-night call out of the blue It’s 3AM, cigarettes are smoking you And it washed away, it washed away, it washed away It washed away, it washed away, it washed away

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released October 2, 2020

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Elder Brother Oakland, California

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